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BDSM consapevole

BDSM is not only about pain and humiliation

There is a common misconception that BDSM is only about pain and humiliation.
As a Mistress I receive many requests from clients that feel some attraction in exploring the BDSM realm, but are insecure to approach, because they believe they must suffer and be humiliated at all times. And yet that attraction is telling them that there could be something for them too. (Almost) ready to be explored further and refined and defined.

Pain could be part of exploring BDSM, but it is not a necessary component.

Even masochism is not only about pain. You could be a masochist, but not using pain as your intermediary toward the sensation you are seeking. You might desire instead of being heavily degraded, put down, overpowered, using psychological masochism instead of physical.

One of My teachers Anne o Nomis has dedicated much time in investigating and studying masochists and has written amazing articles on the subject.

Pain could be magnificaly integrated in the play in many ways from light, to mild, to heavy depending on many factors. And depending also on what is the desired outcome of a session.

Sometimes you could be even surprised that you found out that you like some pain or that you can take more pain than you would expect. The capacity to take pain depends on many factors such as personal pain tolerance level, the ability of the Dominant to administer it in a way that allows you to build on to the sensations, how much arousal is involved. Usually the more aroused you are the more pain you can take.

Some studies indicated that pain thresholds may temporarily rise in submissive participants during a BDSM interaction. This is because there is a correlation between increased cortisol and endocannabinoid levels. Cortisol rises with high intensity, but so do levels of endorphins and endocannabinoids and this results in a pleasant feeling.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1743609520300266

So if BDSM is not only about pain, then what it is about?

The BDSM world is so immense that you could spend your whole life exploring it and you will not have experienced it all. There are as many fetishes and kinks as there are fish in the sea.

And even every fetish would not look the same for two people who engage in that.
Every person approaches BDSM from a very unique personal perspective. And this is exactly the beauty of it.

As I have quoted in one of My twitter posts which has actually inspired Me to write this blog post.

“No one can tell you what your kink/fetish should look like and you don’t have to seek other people’s approval for who you want to be or how you like to play. No one can define what is real BDSM, real Dominant or submissive. Everyone has different needs and fantasies. your needs and fantasies are valid as they are.“

BDSM could be about exploring erotic and non erotic power exhange, sensations, training, restraint, worship, service, erotic awakening, devotion.

It can be all physical as it could be all psychological.

For Me personally, the psychological aspect of BDSM is far more satisfying than other things.

I love playing with your mind while using implements. So I might make you suffer, but the physical sensations will be enhanced by psychological conditioning. Less physical impact, but more sensations.

I like playing with hidden desires and shame around them. I like to tease out the erotic creature that hides inside every each one of us. I like to awaken the sexual energy through sensory play, tease and denial, imagination, sensations.

I like to use My power to seduce and control My willing submissives who desire to be devoted to Me and to earn the opportunity to serve and worship Me.

All of the things mentioned above don’t involve any heavy pain or humiliation.

And yet they are part of the realm of BDSM.

There are so many reasons why people are attracted to BDSM. Someone wants to experience high emotions, someone else high sensations, someone wants to find a person to be in service, someone else wants to feel free to express their sexuality in any way they enjoy with someone who understands and cherishes them. And I could go on.

What I believe is the most important thing when approaching this world is having the opportunity to find the right person. And it might not be the first person you meet. It might not be the person you like the most visually at the first sight.

Because as we know beauty is something so subjective. If there is no connection, trust, sense of freedom, sense of acceptance then it would be really difficult to explore and bloom.

To conclude, May your fantasies be embraced and cherished. May you find the right person who will provide you the right space to explore your most hidden desires and may you both have much fun.

About the Author

Viviana De Viant

Viviana De Viant

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